Friday, December 29, 2006

It's a Christmas miracle!

That's right! "Our" Nic and "Our" Keith are back in Sydney. It is a Chrismtas miracle and I think an angel just got it's wings! HOWEVER, flowers in your hair are cute when you are 4, not 40. Yikes

AUS, sometimes you break my heart

Seriously, why would one of you pay $1 million for Paris Hilton to come down for New Year's Eve, but I have to buy my own plane ticket? She should not be getting all of this coverage in your media, it should be me! ;)

Friday, December 22, 2006

Yikes!


It is a sad day when Carrot Top is in better shape then Rocky!!! Especially with Rocky 27 coming out in the theaters this week.

Merry Hoffmas!!!


Merry Christmas from a big hunk of spunk!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Jo Ho, what are you thinking?

Iktimal Hage-Ali, who is an adviser to the Prime Minister was arrested in a cocaine bust 8 days before receiving the NSW Young Australian of the Year award.
Ok, obviously this is why I should have gotten this award. They next time I am in Oz I am requesting a meeting with John Howard to discuss this.

Call the fashion police, this is an emergency


Lance, WTF?? I love gay men and they should know better then to wear these horrific outfits.

Sports news of the week

So the Ashes are taking place & we won the first two games!! Woo Hoo!! (And I would just like to remind everyone that the ashes are not the remains of the first cricket player, which is what I originally thought)

LL + AA = My quote of the week

SO Lindsay Lohan said today "I have been going to AA meetings for the past year. I haven't had a drink in 7 days." Ok, so I am not a mathmetician, but if you have been going to AA for 52 weeks & have not had a drink in 1 week, there is a problem.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Yes girls and boys, there is a Santa Claus!


That's right, it's true, for a mere $12,000 K-Fed will come to your Holiday party! Can't you picture it, the egg nog, the fire, friends & loved ones around. Then here comes K-Fed in a wife beater to tell your kids lovely holiday stories about pimps and ho's. It just warms my heart.

Can they ever look bad?


Seriously, most people after getting off a motorcycle look a mess, wind blown hair, bugs in your teeth, etc. These two are freaks of nature, they look like they are in an ad!

For the love of GOD


Nicole Richie was arrested for drunk driving. She was going the wrong way on the highway & was found with vicodin & pot. OMG, why are these people so stupid. How hard it is to call for a cab?? But what disturbed me more was that according to the police report she weighs 85 pounds. That is like how much a golden retriever weighs.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Condoms in a Can!!

GERMAN sex educators plan to launch a spray-on condom. It is made to fit any size of penis. Apparently they are looking at a type of spray can that a man will stick his penis in, then he presses a button & it(the penis) is coated with a rubber condom.
Ok let't think about this. You know some guy is going to be drunk, or super horny & it will be dark, & he will wind up sticking his pee pee in a paint can. Ugh!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

All I want for Christmas.....


Is for these two to break up. Seriously, WTF, Britney goes from one piece of trash to another. Just pray that they don't decided to record a duet together...

Monday, November 27, 2006

Say it Ain't so!


After only 4 months of wedded bliss, my fave couple is getting divorced. That is it, it is official. I no longer believe in love...

Viva Viagra! or Feliz Penga!

Mayor gives free viagra in Brazil
THE mayor begun handing out free Viagra,to dozens of elderly men. "Since we started the free distribution of sexual stimulants, our elderly population changed. They're much happier." The program is called, and I am not kidding, "Happy Penis".
But there are some side effects -"Some of the old men aren't seeking out their wives. They've got romances on the side."

The mind of a child

TERRI Irwin has taken her two children to a psychologist following concerns that daughter Bindi has been "so happy" despite the death of her father Steve.
I have to admit, i did think it was a bit strange that Bindi seems to be perpetually happy after the accident. Interesting.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Sign me up!!!

ADELAIDE Zoo is going to be home to a new species: HUMANS!

In a world-first the zoo will have an enclosure that houses people. They will live in a new exhibit known as The Human Zoo. Six people will be housed in the orang-utan enclosure - next to the chimpanzees & gorillas - and be treated like apes. They will be fed like the zoo's other apes, with some food being hidden to encourage their foraging skills. Vets will check their health & they will be given behavioural stimulation devices such as puzzles & exercises. Each weekend a celebrity "zooloper" will join the group, usually a sports star who will bring in sporting equipment for stimulation.

OMG, I will do this if it gets me into AUS!!! And I want to know who the celebrity zooloper's are?

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Bennetton Ad - Part 2

Money doesn't = taste


With all of the money they have, why is she wearing a garbage bag?

Odd news of the week

World-wide corduroy club
More than 800 people around the world have signed up to be part of the New York-based Corduroy Appreciation Club. "It's a requirement to wear two pieces of corduroy to the meeting," president and club founder Miles Rohan said. "Fairly often people tell me they're wearing corduroy underwear, but I haven't checked. "We have secret rituals, we have speeches about corduroy, we have people write poems and people have made artworks inspired by corduroy."

And they have people with a lot of free time on their hands...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

A moment of silence please....


Oh Brit Brit, had you only listened to the little warning voice in your head, or the 8 bajillion people telling you not to marry him, you wouldn't be out $10 million right now. (that is how much K-Fed gets in the divorce) But don't worry, she made a "surprise" visit to David Letterman & was in a cute outfit looking fit & thin & normal hair & makeup. She is gearing up for her comeback, ala Whitney. I have to say it has been a rough month in LA LA land, first Whitney Crack is Whack Houston, then Reese/Ryan, Chris Rock & his wife, now Brit/K-Fed. How am I supposed to believe in love anymore?
To my Aussies who have asked me what white trash means, please see above photo.
Ok now I have to go light a candle for the artist formerly known as Mrs. Federline.

Monday, November 06, 2006

I guess everyone wants to be big "down under"

Underwear that will make men look bigger?
Apparently this Aussie underwear designer has just created a "wonderjock" for men who want their "love sausages" to look bigger. They have sold 50,000 pairs in 7 days! It is made of a fabric cup that "seperates and lifts" so everything is jumping out at you instead of hanging low.
I don't know if it works, but the guys on the website were hot so I am not complaining!

Exhibit DD


At the recent DVD release party for Baywatch, David Hasselhoff said the following: "I think the secret of its success was that is was always about saving
lives, not taking lives."
UM, no, I think we know the reason it was successful, see exhibit Double D's, I mean DD to the left..

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I have nothing....If I don't have you...

I told you Miss Houston is gearing up for a comeback. She apparently does have something without Bobby.....style!

You heard it here first

One day, Ben Affleck will run for political office, and he will win. (unless before then he ends up in bed with a hooker and a crack pipe)

Saturday, October 28, 2006

WTF of the week

Naomi Campbell has been arrested again for assaulting someone, actually, it was her drugs counselor.(Obviously her counselor was not doing a good job.) I don't advocate violence, but someone needs to slap Naomi.

It's Official!


Madonna has turned into a Benetton ad!

My new Job

I just watched a doco on Australia that was narrated by our Russell Crowe (yes i know he threw a phone at someone but at least he still speaks with an aussie accent). Anyway I found out some stuff i didn't know:

-90% of our land is unsuitable for farming (that is a lot of land!)
-Cane toads don't have a natural predator so they are multiplying like crazy
-there are over 500,000 different species living there
-the land distance from sydney to perth is the same from NY to Hawaii
-the giant fence that runs across the country (I forget what you call it, but in typical aussie fashion it is probably called "the great long fence that keeps out the feral dogs" fence) anyway there are people whose full time job is to just repair the fence, every day, just repair the fence
-in the middle of the country, where the largest cattle station is, it hasn't rained in 4 years. 4 Years!!! that is crazy. And they don't use horses to round up the herd anymore, they use motorbikes and planes(but on mcleods they use both)
That brings me to my new line of work. I really want to be a Jill-a-roo!!! how cool would that be? Then I can say this sentence below that the Jillaroo they interviewed on the doco said: "I reckon I was meant to be a Jill-a-roo, because I love being feral. I get to go to work in jeans and no makeup everyday"

I think i can be feral too. I can just see myself on the property, on the veranda, in my DrizzyBones jacket & Akubra drinking a vb from a stuppy holder watching the sun set on the back 40. But i would have to get one of those hats with the strings hanging down to keep the flies away. Oh and I want to live in Kabadula -lalalalala (Sp?) bc is just sounds cool. Then I can say things like "I am Jill-a-roo from Kabadala!"

Sunday, October 22, 2006

WTF of the week

The US Gov. has banned vegemite in the US. W-H-A-T??? I have to get out of this communist country. People here are losing their minds. They don't ban the sale of handguns, but ohhhhh, that jar of vegemite is soooo dangerous.

Signs your marriage is in trouble


"Our" Keith Urban entered rehab only 4 months since marrying "our" Nicole. Hmmm, interesting. I hate to say it but perhaps the ice princess caused Keith to need some "white powdered" snow.

D-U-H

THE Pentagon has admitted defeat in its strategy of securing Baghdad,
deepening the sense that the US is trapped in an unwinnable war and further damaging Republican chances in congressional elections next month.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I guess the joke is true!

Question: Why did Mickey break up with Minnie?
Answer: Bc she was f&^*ing Goofy!

Some Disney characters caught in an orgy video! Some employees at Disney Paris were caught simulating sex while dressed as Disney characters. "The behavior shown on the video is unacceptable and inexcusable," Disney said in a statement. The tape shows Minnie Mouse having sex wtih Goofy & a giant snowman. Mickey also simulates sex with the snowman & Goofy does the same with Chip or Dale, (I guess it really doesn't matter which one)The tape is described on the internet as the "mouse orgy."
Viva La France!

Sad Simon Sunday


Ok my boyfriend Simon Baker was on a talk show on Sunday promoting his new show & he spoke the whole time with an American accent. S-I-G-H. Why do they torture me so? He just moved his family back to the states bc of the show, & now I just found out it was cancelled! That sucks but maybe God was punishing him for sounding like a Yankee.

Madonna Fabulous


Madonna is adopting an African baby, bc Africa is hot right now (no pun intended) which reminds me of when Edina adopted a Romanian baby on Ab Fab bc it was the thing to do. Ever notice how Madonna has a baby with someone from whatever country she is into at the moment? She went thru her Spanish phase & had Lourdes with Carlos, went thru her British phase & had Rocco with Guy, & now she is into Africa & gets a baby from there. I guess the baby will have more opportunities with Madonna, but he won't be able to watch tv or eat sugar, so really I don't know which is the lesser of two evils.
(Madge better start eating sugar again, she is starting to look like Patsy!)

Monday, October 09, 2006

Run, Brush, Floss


How busy is your life that you have to go jogging & brush your teeth at the same time? Seriously I am all for dental hygiene but what is Matthew McConaughey thinking?

Stupid girls

Sienna Miller Says Monogamy Is 'Overrated'"I don't know, monogamy is a weird thing for me. It's an overrated virtue, because, let's face it, we're f­$%#ing animals." Actually no, some of us have self respect and class thank you very much. (I think you had to say this to justify to yourself that your loser boyfriend keeps cheating on you & you keep taking him back)

First the Berlin Wall comes down.......

Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie have finally made up after fighting for the past 18 months. How did they celebrate this joyous reunion? By going out to eat at a place that was crawling with paparrazzi, then having a slumber party at Paris's. Please remind me that if my best friend shows a sex tape of me (which by the way, if you are famous DON'T let anyway tape you EVER, how many times does it have to happen before you learn?)anyway remind me when we make up to do it at a restaurant that is filled with reporters.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

BrangelinaBecks


Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt have hired David Beckham for private coaching lessons for their son Maddox.
Ok, what is the conversation btwn Brad, Angie and Beckham like? "You are so much better looking then me! No, you are. No, you are!"

Monday, October 02, 2006

Sports News of the week


Go Eagles! Congrats to the Eagles who won the Grand Final this past weekend in a very exciting game (at least the last 20 minutes were exciting) But more importantly, look at how cute this boy Ben is! MEOW.
I would r-o-o-t for him.....

Not to depress the single people out there.....


BUT, remember the group Hanson? The brothers that were like 10 years old and sang MMM Bop? Well the last of the brothers got married over the weekend. That is right ladies, not only does that mean they are off the market, but they are all married!

W-H-Y ?????


Someone please tell me why this girl is a fashion icon. WTF is this outfit?

Wake Me Up before I go go....to jail

"George Michael was warned by police for carrying cannabis when found passed out in his car. It was the 2nd time in the past 8 months that he was found slumped over the wheel." Ok, once again, you are famous, you have a lot of money & probably a big house. Why would you be sitting in your car getting stoned? I am guessing you have a mansion that you can be doing whatever you wanted in & if you had to go out, GET A DRIVER! What is wrong with people?

Very cool...

The Foo Fighters will meet & share a beer with mine collapse survivors Brant Webb & Todd Russell this week. Webb & Russell were trapped in a collapsed mine in Tasmania for two weeks. They were given iPods to listen to while they were trapped in the mine & they requested Foo Fighter music. When the Foo Fighter's heard about this they sent a message to the miners saying they would meet them once they were free. Now they will meet them at their concert in Sydney on Wednesday. Good on ya!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

If we can't trust Bert, then I just don't know what to do!

So Forbes magazine said Tom Hanks was ranked the #1 most trustworthy celebrity in America. I want to know who you guys think the most trustworthy celebrity in AUS is? I of course am voting for "Our Bert". Just click on the comment link below this post and let me know. The only rule is that you can't vote for me! ;)-

Oh God, please no.....


Rumor is that TomKat is looking for a movie that they can star in together. Doesn't anyone remember Gigli, the Bennifer fiasco? Please, spare us all.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Keith Richards "Drunk" on 'Pirates' Movie set


"Keith Richards will be in the second Pirates Of The Caribbean sequel. Supposedly he was so drunk on the movie set, the film's director had to prop him up."
And this is a surprise to who???

WTF Aussie style!



Apparently this Australian import, Star Ice, is being launched in the US and LaToya Jackson is the celebrity spokesperson.
"I have always wanted to be involved with a hot, new lifestyle product
such as this", said Jackson. Someone get Jo Ho (Johnny H) on the phone. How was this allowed to happen? A-she is not a real celebrity. B-she is not Australian C-How airbrushed is this photo? and finally D-If anything I should have been the spokesperson!

Single White Robot is seeking.....

I just read this article-
George, is 39, single & looking for friends on the Internet. He can speak in 40 languages with over 2000 people at the same time. There's just one problem: he doesn't really exist. George is a piece of software, a talking robot. Seven years after being invented, George evolved into what experts call an avatar, gaining a physical image, a voice & voice recognition software. He takes the form of a thin, bald man with yellow glasses who wears a white sweater.

What scares me is that there are actually going to be some stupid girls who think they found their dream man!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Why everyone loves Virgin

How cool is this?

Branson Donates Billions To Fight Global Warming
Sir Richard Branson will donate approx $4.3 billion to fight climate change. He plans to give all profits from the company's air & train businesses over the next decade to finding alternative energy methods to coal & oil. He said "Our generation has inherited an incredibly beautiful world from our parents, and they from their parents. We must not be the generation responsible for irreversibly damaging the environment."

Wasting away


This photo was so shocking to me, I can't even believe it. If Kate Bosworth has any freinds they would get her some help. (You can click on the picture for a larger version.)

Out Flat

Sorry I haven't posted all week. I was out flat like a drunk leprechaun at work. Wait, I mean flat out like a drunk leprechaun. ( I always screw this one up...wait, sorry I mean flat out like a Iguana drinking!) It would be so much easier if you guys just said busy! ;)-

Return of the Fembots


I am a Fembot. I am here to shoot you with my nipples of steel.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Paris quote of the week

"I went to Austria recently and got paid $1 million just to wave at a crowd of people there. I had to say 'hi' and tell them why I loved Austria so much."

I am so in the wrong line of work.

Apparently it wasn't The Greatest Love of All


Say it ain't so! Whitney Coke Head Houston and Bobby Baby Daddy Brown are getting a divorce! Look at the two of them, they were a match made in Rehab Heaven! I get it though, she was with him for so long, THEN it comes out Osama had a crush on her, THEN all of a sudden she wants a divorce. The writing is on the wall people, pretty soon Whitney Bin Landen will be mainlining....I mean headlining at the Hilton in Crackheadiztan.(actually, she will go to rehab, cry on a national TV interview about how Bobby ruined her life, release a fabulous cd & be headlining in Vegas before you know it)

Sunday, September 17, 2006

L-E-T Me I-N!!!!

You guys, I took the Ridgey Didge test & got EVERY single answer right, for the love of Bert you have to let me in! (although I do admit to not knowing who Don Bradman was so I guessed but still got it right anyway!) See how you do....

1: Which of the following is NOT an Aussie value?
A: Telling jokes that involve New Zealanders and sheep.
B: Ignoring Warnie's off-field transgressions because he is the Sheik.
C: Living in England and claiming Steve Irwin was being reckless.
D: Rubbishing Australia's parliaments and politicians.

2. What is Australia's official language?
A: Yes.
B: Que?
C: I am very happy to be in Australia.
D: English

3: What does "girt" mean?
A: Sorry, could you repeat that in English?
B: Encircled.
C: Confused.
D: Destroyed, as in "Mark Latham girt my camera".

4: What is the significance of April 25, 1915?
A: Phar Lap won the Melbourne Cup.
B: The Anzacs landed at Gallipoli.
C: John Howard became Prime Minister.
D: Greg Norman choked at the Masters.

5: Who is Australia's head of state?
A: Alan Jones.
B: George Bush
C: Tony Abbott.
D: Queen Elizabeth.

6: What is the significance of the number 99.94?
A: It was Don Bradman's Test batting average.
B: Interest rates were this high under Labor.
C: John Howard will retire at this age.
D: Pi (without sauce).

7: Which of the following is an Australian native?
A: Russell Crowe.
B: Mel Gibson.
C: Jackie Kelly.
D: The red-bellied black snake.

8: Which of the following was an unbridled success?
A: Naomi Robson's mission to rescue Wa-Wa from cannibals.
B: The Joh-for-Canberra campaign.
C: The Leyland P76.
D: The 2000 Sydney Olympics.

Answers:1,C; 2,D; 3,B; 4,B; 5,D; 6,A; 7,D; 8,D:

Rate your Aussieness:
8: Welcome, cobber, want a beer?
6-7: No worries.
4-5: Near enough.
3-4: That'll do.
0-2: At least you had a go. Come on in.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Wax on, Wax off


Here is a pic from Madame Tussauds Wax museum.

Not to depress everyone, but even as wax figures, Brad and Angelina still look better then most of the people I know.

And they leave a lovely after taste...

Ok so to be fair, no Aussie tv shows or movies air here (except Crocodile Dundee & silly things like that) so most Americans only see pic's of the outback & Opera house & that's it.The other day I was talking to an American, I will call him Joe, and this was the converstation.
"I had some of my Aussie's in to visit me over the summer & they loved it here".Joe says "Oh what did they think of the house & backyard?". I said "What do you mean, they thought it was fine." Then he says "Well what did they think about the grass in the yard?" I said "They thought it was fine, what are you talking about?" "Well, were they amazed that it was green?" I said "um, they have GREEN grass in AUS, what other color would it be?" He says "But isn't everything there just brown?" I had to remind myself again that we don't get to see any of your culture here, but hello, common sense, grass is green. But wait, it gets better....

To preface this for any american's reading my blog, they don't have squirrels really in AUS. Ok so I was saying all of the things that my Aussie's are fascinated by when they come here, the types of food, tv, etc. And I said "the funny is thing is how they all react when they see squirrels on the street". (I was about to say because they don't have any in Oz, but before I could he says.. "why because they eat them?"
I almost spit out my drink, & said "W-H-A-T??" He said, "Are they fascinated that squirrels just run wild here bc they eat them on sandwhich's & stuff?" I was like "NO, they don't EAT the squirrels." Will someone please get Bert or Rove to adopt me? Save me.........please...........

Hello my name is Tom, and I am a Scientologist


Um, does Scientology cause women to become giants? She just looks Ginormous next to her midget man. And it is a football game, not a funeral, what is with the dark dress & who wears a suit to a game? Maybe they are mourning the loss of his career.

Oh, my new theory is this, funny how Katie "encouraged" Tom to apologize to Brook Sheilds about his drugs/postparturm comments the same week their "Baby Suri" photos are released. Maybe Katie had postparturm & that is why she & the baby were in hiding & you didn't seem them for months. In the words of Alanis, isn't it ironic, don't ya think?

J Lo = J LOW


How low on the best dressed list did you just sink to with this disaster?

Thursday, September 07, 2006

My advice for celebs


If you are an heiress, actor, rock star, etc. & if you are going to go out drinking, HIRE a CAR and DRIVER to take you home. Seriously, WTF? What is so complicated about this?

But the best part were the excuses that Paris's PR people came up with for her drunk driving arrest last night: "She was tired, she only had one drink, she was at a charity event, she hadn't eaten bc she was working...blah blah blah" Um no, she hadn't eaten bc it was Wednesday, but more importantly not only are you getting into a car drunk, but you are doing it in front of 800 paparazzi. W-h-y??
And I really think if anything she should have been arrested for wearing the red belt over the shirt. yuck.

F-I-N-A-L-L-Y....


Now we can all get on with our lives!
I would never make fun of someone's baby,
but I am a little suspicious about the hair.
Doesn't it look like a wig?

Monday, September 04, 2006

Sports News of the Week


This is Lucas.
He plays sports too.
We would have beautiful children together.

And that is this week's sports news.

Just my luck

So I am in the post office waiting to drop off packages that I was mailing to friends in AUS. The lady behind the counter turns on the radio & "Land Down Under" is on. I thought,well that's weird bc i was filling out the customs forms for Oz. The song ends & the DJ says, "Now we have an australian trivia question for a great australian prize." Well I start ripping thru my bag to get my mobile like a crack whore looking for her pipe, bc I was like "who are we kidding, I am sooo going to know the answer" & I knew it was going to be something great like two round trip tickets to Oz & a 10 night stay or something like that!
So I am grabbing my phone as the DJ says "What is the name of the song...." And I was thinking it is either going to be Advance Australia Fair or Waltzing Matilda. "the name of the song that Australians sing when they are trying to show their patriotism" (I can't remember exactly how the question was worded but it was something like that.)
Now I had just gotten to the counter at that second & blurted out "Waltzing Matilda!!" The lady then looked at me like I was on crack & said "What?" so instead of explaining I was trying to dial frantically bc no other American would know that answer & I am already picturing myself slip slap slopping the sunscreen & drinking a VB, when the DJ says, "The 1st person to get through with the correct answer wins...........TWO tickets.........to see.........the Wiggles!"
I was like YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. So i stop trying to get through bc I would rather save my good Aussie karma for a better prize or Lucas Neill.

R.I.P.


I am not sure if you guys in Oz know how HUGE Steve was in the US. Put it this way, his death has been the lead story on CNN & all of the other news stations every hour today on the hour. I know alot of Aussie's cringed when the heard the "Crikey" and saw the khaki shorts, but it is amazing how beloved he was around the world. At the end of the day he seemed like someone who really was just concerned about the animals & the environment. He will be missed.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

WTF?

"SCIENTISTS invented a toothbrush that lets you listen to music while you scrub away by transmitting soundwaves through your teeth and jawbone to your ear. The device, called Tooth Tunes, plays for exactly 2 minutes."

I have a similiar invention. It is called a R-A-D-I-O. You turn it on when you start brushing your teeth. Done.(And maybe scientists should be spending time trying to cure diseases or figure out how to save Katie Holmes)

Friday, September 01, 2006

Just like looking in a mirror!



Just to be clear, if I buy this makeup, it will make me look just like Angelina? Ok I am going to the store right now!

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Praise the Lord

Here are some of the lyrics to Chamillionaire's song "Ridin Dirty"-
"Just tryin' to bone, ain't tryin' to have no babies.
Ride clean as hell so I pull in ladies.
I been drinkin' and smokin'; holy shit
'Cause a brother can't focus.
Keep a gun in car, and a blunt to spark.
Ready or not, we gon' bust shots off in the air
We livin' like we ain't givin' a f*&%
I got a revolver in my right hand."

Well he just won an MTV award & the 1st person he thanks in his acceptance speech?........God.

Three's a crowd....


Usually I get claustrophobic in a crowd, but I look at this and think.....Ennie, Meenie, Minnie.......HOOOOO!!!!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

# 279 on the list of reasons why I love Australia

Tom Cruise was spanked last week in Australia. He was named winner of the "Celebrity Ernie Award" for a sexist comment that he supposedly made. It was called the "worst derogatory public statement".The comment­ allegedly made when Katie Holmes was pregnant was "I've got Katie tucked away so no one will get to us until my child is born." Of course Tom's people said: "The comments that they have attributed to him are completely fabricated, anyone who knows him knows that he is a complete gentleman and would never ever say such a thing. ... He has the utmost respect for women."

Yeah, ok. Until he unchains them from the wall in the basement.

Celebrity Duets



Ok in case anyone is not watching this train wreck, here is the deal. B list celeb's like Jay from Queer Eye & Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air, sing duets with famous singers(Gladys Knight & Smokey Robinson etc.). The opening act was Lucy Lawless (aka Xena) with Michael Bolton. And before you ask, YES, it is as bad as it sounds! But the BEST part are the judges, Marie Osmond & Little Richard. Because who better then the two of them to be the arbiters of taste!

Portia de Bitchy


Sorry Aussie's, but what is up with Portia? Why is she always so snotty in interviews? She is always just so icy and cold I don't get it. Plus she speaks with an American accent. This makes me c-r-a-z-y. You guys have the best accents, why would you want to sound American for God's sake? Last time I was home (by home I mean Australia, bc I, like Peter Allen, still call Australia home)she was being interviewed by my Bert and he asked her about her American accent and she said "Oh I forget how to speak with an Australian accent." What??? That is just ridiculous.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

My WTF of the week

"The man suspected of killing child beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey is unhappy with his media image & wants to correct any perception that he's an unstable attention-seeker. John Karr, who was arrested in Thailand, wants to achieve a "a more accurate" portrayal of himself to counter media reports that paint him as an unwell, mentally unstable person."

WTF?? Are you kidding me? As opposed to being a stable murderer? Maybe you should be worrying about the electric chair instead of what color prison jumpsuit you will be wearing.

Jessica "no teeth" Alba


"Jessica Alba lost a tooth while filming a passionate kissing scene. The Sin City star chipped one tooth and lost another during a pashfest with her co-star Dane Cook."

What??? Seriously, you lost a tooth?? I can see losing your panties, but a tooth??

Exhibit A


Aussie's, I love you more then Whitney loves crack, more they Britney loves white trash, more then Kath loves Kel and Sharon loves Shane Warne.

BUT, what is the deal with the David Tench Tonight show I have been reading about? It is not airing in the US, but from what I can see it is a cartoon person that interviews real people in real time? What?? That doesn't really make sense and I have to say I think it is a waste of talent. You have so many cute aussie boys (see exhibit A above) who could be hosting this show but you are using a cartoon person? Please explain....

2nd Paris quote of the week

When asked about her new album Paris Hilton said:

"I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good."

When we listen to it we cry too Paris. We cry too.

Big bags and little girls


Please note, her bag is almost twice the size of her waist. If she wanted to she could crawl up and fit in that bag!

Sports News


So to mix up my blog a little I decided to add some Sports News. Here it is...

This is David.
He is hot.
He plays sports.

And that is this weeks sports news.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Tom IS Risky Business...


Turns out working with Tom Cruise is Mission Impossible! Paramount Pictures is ending its 14-year relationship with Tom Cruise because of Tommy's offscreen behavior. Sumner Redstone,the chairman of the company, said the behavior of the star was unacceptable.
Interesting and surprising due to the fact that TC has made Paramount a Bajillion dollars over the years & in Hollywood as long as you are famous you are forgiven for anything, you can murder someone, be found with a heroin needle in your arm, shoplift at Sak's or hit someone with your car and drive away, but still be forgiven.
Trust me I don't feel sorry for Tom, I do feel sorry for Katie "I wish I was still on the Creek with VanDerBeek" Holmes bc she is obviously chained up in a basement somewhere, but I am not sure what is going on behind the scenes that got Tommy fired.

Crack heads need love too!


Osma's got a crush! Apparently Bin Laden, or as he is known on the streets, B-Lover, has the hots for Crack Head Houston. He said Whitney was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, he wanted to give her a mansion, kill Bobby Brown to be with her and would break his colour rule and make her one of his wives..IF that isn't true love I don't know what is! And that would be the best reality show ever. Instead of "Newlyweds" it could be "Severed Heads". B-Lover and "Bobbi Baby Daddy Brown" fight to the death for title of "Mr. Crackhead."