Thursday, August 31, 2006

Praise the Lord

Here are some of the lyrics to Chamillionaire's song "Ridin Dirty"-
"Just tryin' to bone, ain't tryin' to have no babies.
Ride clean as hell so I pull in ladies.
I been drinkin' and smokin'; holy shit
'Cause a brother can't focus.
Keep a gun in car, and a blunt to spark.
Ready or not, we gon' bust shots off in the air
We livin' like we ain't givin' a f*&%
I got a revolver in my right hand."

Well he just won an MTV award & the 1st person he thanks in his acceptance speech?........God.

Three's a crowd....

Usually I get claustrophobic in a crowd, but I look at this and think.....Ennie, Meenie, Minnie.......HOOOOO!!!!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

# 279 on the list of reasons why I love Australia

Tom Cruise was spanked last week in Australia. He was named winner of the "Celebrity Ernie Award" for a sexist comment that he supposedly made. It was called the "worst derogatory public statement".The comment­ allegedly made when Katie Holmes was pregnant was "I've got Katie tucked away so no one will get to us until my child is born." Of course Tom's people said: "The comments that they have attributed to him are completely fabricated, anyone who knows him knows that he is a complete gentleman and would never ever say such a thing. ... He has the utmost respect for women."

Yeah, ok. Until he unchains them from the wall in the basement.

Celebrity Duets

Ok in case anyone is not watching this train wreck, here is the deal. B list celeb's like Jay from Queer Eye & Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air, sing duets with famous singers(Gladys Knight & Smokey Robinson etc.). The opening act was Lucy Lawless (aka Xena) with Michael Bolton. And before you ask, YES, it is as bad as it sounds! But the BEST part are the judges, Marie Osmond & Little Richard. Because who better then the two of them to be the arbiters of taste!

Portia de Bitchy

Sorry Aussie's, but what is up with Portia? Why is she always so snotty in interviews? She is always just so icy and cold I don't get it. Plus she speaks with an American accent. This makes me c-r-a-z-y. You guys have the best accents, why would you want to sound American for God's sake? Last time I was home (by home I mean Australia, bc I, like Peter Allen, still call Australia home)she was being interviewed by my Bert and he asked her about her American accent and she said "Oh I forget how to speak with an Australian accent." What??? That is just ridiculous.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

My WTF of the week

"The man suspected of killing child beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey is unhappy with his media image & wants to correct any perception that he's an unstable attention-seeker. John Karr, who was arrested in Thailand, wants to achieve a "a more accurate" portrayal of himself to counter media reports that paint him as an unwell, mentally unstable person."

WTF?? Are you kidding me? As opposed to being a stable murderer? Maybe you should be worrying about the electric chair instead of what color prison jumpsuit you will be wearing.

Jessica "no teeth" Alba

"Jessica Alba lost a tooth while filming a passionate kissing scene. The Sin City star chipped one tooth and lost another during a pashfest with her co-star Dane Cook."

What??? Seriously, you lost a tooth?? I can see losing your panties, but a tooth??

Exhibit A

Aussie's, I love you more then Whitney loves crack, more they Britney loves white trash, more then Kath loves Kel and Sharon loves Shane Warne.

BUT, what is the deal with the David Tench Tonight show I have been reading about? It is not airing in the US, but from what I can see it is a cartoon person that interviews real people in real time? What?? That doesn't really make sense and I have to say I think it is a waste of talent. You have so many cute aussie boys (see exhibit A above) who could be hosting this show but you are using a cartoon person? Please explain....

2nd Paris quote of the week

When asked about her new album Paris Hilton said:

"I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good."

When we listen to it we cry too Paris. We cry too.

Big bags and little girls

Please note, her bag is almost twice the size of her waist. If she wanted to she could crawl up and fit in that bag!

Sports News

So to mix up my blog a little I decided to add some Sports News. Here it is...

This is David.
He is hot.
He plays sports.

And that is this weeks sports news.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Tom IS Risky Business...

Turns out working with Tom Cruise is Mission Impossible! Paramount Pictures is ending its 14-year relationship with Tom Cruise because of Tommy's offscreen behavior. Sumner Redstone,the chairman of the company, said the behavior of the star was unacceptable.
Interesting and surprising due to the fact that TC has made Paramount a Bajillion dollars over the years & in Hollywood as long as you are famous you are forgiven for anything, you can murder someone, be found with a heroin needle in your arm, shoplift at Sak's or hit someone with your car and drive away, but still be forgiven.
Trust me I don't feel sorry for Tom, I do feel sorry for Katie "I wish I was still on the Creek with VanDerBeek" Holmes bc she is obviously chained up in a basement somewhere, but I am not sure what is going on behind the scenes that got Tommy fired.

Crack heads need love too!

Osma's got a crush! Apparently Bin Laden, or as he is known on the streets, B-Lover, has the hots for Crack Head Houston. He said Whitney was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, he wanted to give her a mansion, kill Bobby Brown to be with her and would break his colour rule and make her one of his wives..IF that isn't true love I don't know what is! And that would be the best reality show ever. Instead of "Newlyweds" it could be "Severed Heads". B-Lover and "Bobbi Baby Daddy Brown" fight to the death for title of "Mr. Crackhead."

Friday, August 18, 2006

Quote of the week

Paris Hilton says:

"When I was a kid I had no idea I lived in a mansion.
Then I went to a friends house and I was like, 'Oh'."

I don't even have to comment on this. It speaks for itself.

Fantasy football sacks work production

This was in the news today:

"Office workers combing the league wire for running backs or back-up quarterbacks are part of a growing number of fantasy football owners costing employers as much as $1.1 billion a week in lost productivity."

Sorry, I just don't get it. You are not playing a sport, you are pretending too on line? I think I would understand it better if you boys were playing fantasy bikini girls or something, but "fantasy" football? I don't know, I don't get it!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Just because....

We love Hugh. I mean only he could look handsome in bathers and in a pineapple shirt with with shiney silver pants!

My WTF of the week....

"Mum abandons child for schoolboy lover. A 30-year-old Californian woman has left her 3 year old toddler behind in the US to move into a Perth Australia love nest with a 16-year-old boy she met on the internet. High school student, James, and US mum, Karen, met on the internet and fell in love during 5 months of chatting each other up via webcam. She is now living with her young lover, who has moved out of his mum's house to live with the American woman, who drives him to school."

Ok that is ridiculous and that woman should get arrested. And before anyone says "well maybe he is mature for his age...." This is my response, please read below for his thoughts on the wedding...

"James said the couple had talked about marriage and he thinks it would be
really cool to have the ceremony in a helicopter."

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Lindsay to the rescue

Ok so Lindsay Lohan got spanked last week by her boss bc she missed a day of shooting her new movie due to "exhaustion" but was seen out that night at a club. Now everyone is on her back about how she is screwing up at work, showing up late or not at all, being hung over, etc. Obviously her Public relations people went into damage control bc now the big news is Miss Lohan wants to go to Iraq. Right, ok. I am pretty sure NOBODY wants to go to Iraq. People who live there don't want to go to Iraq.
But the best part is what she said when asked about her safety while there. "I'm not afraid of going. My security guard is going to take me to a gun range in L.A. and I am going to start taking shooting lessons."
Honestly I could not have made that statement up. Does she think it is an edition of "Celebrity Survivor"? Like they drop her off in the middle of Iraq with a gun and say "We will see you next Monday."? WTF??

What is wrong with this picture?

A-She hasn't eaten since 1997
B-She is holding a stuffed koala
C-All of the above
I hope you all picked "C". For those who don't know Mischa Barton, or as I call her Mischa "I should never have left the O.C. because my career is over now" Barton, was in AUS bc the David Jones dept store paid her $100,000 to come to a fashion show to promote the store. During a press conference when they asked her about Aussie designers she could only name a couple and didn't even know who designed the outfit she was wearing. All I can say is "WTF?"
First of all, I am in the wrong line of work, I wish someone would pay me 100 grand to just show up somewhere. At this point if it got me to Oz I would wear a chicken suit and stand outside of Nando's for $100. I am dying for a job in AUS and this girl couldn't even sing the first verse to Waltzing Matilda. Next, if you are travelling around the world to promote a store, maybe take a minute to learn about it before you embarrass yourself. And if you have to look like a daggy American tourist & take a pic with a koala, at least make it a real one.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

What would Jesus do?


I decided that I need to make a name for myself in Oz. If Hasselhoff can be big in Germany and Alyssa Milano can be big in Japan, then I should be able to be famous in AUS. haha

I hope you like it and think some of it is funny. Please forward to people that you know who you think will like it. Especially forward it to any people that you may know with the following last names:
Murdoch, Newton, Minogue, Neill, Kidman Cruise Urban, Newton-John, Mcleod, Warne
Princess Mary (She may be a Princess but she still probably needs a good laugh!)


Is it just me, or is Posh starting to look like E.T.? No neck, ribs showing, head bigger then her body.....

Just because...

Ok, I don't swoon over Brad or George, but here is a new pic of them filming Oceans 27 or whatever number they are up to now....

Stupid news of the week

Ok, I can see a three year old doing this, but an adult??? Please.

A British fireman is facing the sack after he was filmed climbing into a
tumble dryer and going for a spin.
Tthe fireman was caught on tape climbing into an drying
machine by a colleague using a mobile phone.
The video shows fellow fire officers cheering him on while clothes are
packed inside to protect him from the metal sides.
As the door closes, the dryer is turned on and the fireman is shown tumbling
over inside while his colleagues laugh. It then shows the firefighter
climbing out of the tumble dryer, complaining of feeling dizzy.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

No Food =

Nicole Richie fainted this week and said it was due to "the heat." Um, you live in California, isn't it always hot there???? You fainted bc you haven't eaten since 1997!!! For the love of God and Lionel Richie, please go have a piece of bread.

Naughty Nads?

Ok for those who don't know, Nad's is some kind of hair removing gel that this woman invented for her hairy daughter in AUS. The reason I know this is bc in the US there used to be this half hour long infomercial for Nad's that basically said how this product is sweeping the nation and it doesn't hurt when you use it (um, no, anytime you rip hair out from the roots it hurts) and it is made of all natural products so it is safe.........wait for it......... to eat it. Now, it is not going to replace vegemite on toast, but in the infomercial women actually dipped their fingers into the jar and tasted the product. (I kid you not, they put the hair removal gel in their mouth, not on their upper lip but in their mouth to taste it).

The climax of the commercial was when they tested their product at......wait for it......."The International Hair Removal Contest" at Bondi beach. I am funny sometimes, but even I could not make that up.

So yesterday I see an ad for "Naughty Nads". This is some kind of kit that allows you to make the hair over you Fu Fu, special place, birth canal, or whatever you want to call it, into 4 different shapes. I am not exactly sure why you would want to have that hair in the shape of a heart or a lighting bolt, but if you are bored at home, give it a try and maybe we'll see you at "The International Hair Removal Contest of '07!" (And I would like to suggest dropping the lighting bold shape and replacing it with an arrow. Let's just be as clear as possible, there it is, get to work)

# 246 on the list of reasons why I love Australia

This was in the paper today:
"Howard calls for more Aussie babies"
Now Prime Minister John Howard wants Australians to go forth and multiply.
"We need more Australian children," Mr Howard said in a speech at All Saints
Anglican School on the Gold Coast. Australia has been one of the few developed countries in the world to actually record an increase in the fertility rate.
But Mr. Howard urged Australians to keep producing children in a society
where the population is ageing."

This is sensational. Your Prime Minister is telling you to go have sex and make new Aussie babies. Ok, if it has to be done, it has to be done, sign me up!! I can't wait to have a little Shane or Kylie.....