Thursday, September 28, 2006

If we can't trust Bert, then I just don't know what to do!

So Forbes magazine said Tom Hanks was ranked the #1 most trustworthy celebrity in America. I want to know who you guys think the most trustworthy celebrity in AUS is? I of course am voting for "Our Bert". Just click on the comment link below this post and let me know. The only rule is that you can't vote for me! ;)-

Oh God, please no.....

Rumor is that TomKat is looking for a movie that they can star in together. Doesn't anyone remember Gigli, the Bennifer fiasco? Please, spare us all.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Keith Richards "Drunk" on 'Pirates' Movie set

"Keith Richards will be in the second Pirates Of The Caribbean sequel. Supposedly he was so drunk on the movie set, the film's director had to prop him up."
And this is a surprise to who???

WTF Aussie style!

Apparently this Australian import, Star Ice, is being launched in the US and LaToya Jackson is the celebrity spokesperson.
"I have always wanted to be involved with a hot, new lifestyle product
such as this", said Jackson. Someone get Jo Ho (Johnny H) on the phone. How was this allowed to happen? A-she is not a real celebrity. B-she is not Australian C-How airbrushed is this photo? and finally D-If anything I should have been the spokesperson!

Single White Robot is seeking.....

I just read this article-
George, is 39, single & looking for friends on the Internet. He can speak in 40 languages with over 2000 people at the same time. There's just one problem: he doesn't really exist. George is a piece of software, a talking robot. Seven years after being invented, George evolved into what experts call an avatar, gaining a physical image, a voice & voice recognition software. He takes the form of a thin, bald man with yellow glasses who wears a white sweater.

What scares me is that there are actually going to be some stupid girls who think they found their dream man!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Why everyone loves Virgin

How cool is this?

Branson Donates Billions To Fight Global Warming
Sir Richard Branson will donate approx $4.3 billion to fight climate change. He plans to give all profits from the company's air & train businesses over the next decade to finding alternative energy methods to coal & oil. He said "Our generation has inherited an incredibly beautiful world from our parents, and they from their parents. We must not be the generation responsible for irreversibly damaging the environment."

Wasting away

This photo was so shocking to me, I can't even believe it. If Kate Bosworth has any freinds they would get her some help. (You can click on the picture for a larger version.)

Out Flat

Sorry I haven't posted all week. I was out flat like a drunk leprechaun at work. Wait, I mean flat out like a drunk leprechaun. ( I always screw this one up...wait, sorry I mean flat out like a Iguana drinking!) It would be so much easier if you guys just said busy! ;)-

Return of the Fembots

I am a Fembot. I am here to shoot you with my nipples of steel.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Paris quote of the week

"I went to Austria recently and got paid $1 million just to wave at a crowd of people there. I had to say 'hi' and tell them why I loved Austria so much."

I am so in the wrong line of work.

Apparently it wasn't The Greatest Love of All

Say it ain't so! Whitney Coke Head Houston and Bobby Baby Daddy Brown are getting a divorce! Look at the two of them, they were a match made in Rehab Heaven! I get it though, she was with him for so long, THEN it comes out Osama had a crush on her, THEN all of a sudden she wants a divorce. The writing is on the wall people, pretty soon Whitney Bin Landen will be mainlining....I mean headlining at the Hilton in Crackheadiztan.(actually, she will go to rehab, cry on a national TV interview about how Bobby ruined her life, release a fabulous cd & be headlining in Vegas before you know it)

Sunday, September 17, 2006

L-E-T Me I-N!!!!

You guys, I took the Ridgey Didge test & got EVERY single answer right, for the love of Bert you have to let me in! (although I do admit to not knowing who Don Bradman was so I guessed but still got it right anyway!) See how you do....

1: Which of the following is NOT an Aussie value?
A: Telling jokes that involve New Zealanders and sheep.
B: Ignoring Warnie's off-field transgressions because he is the Sheik.
C: Living in England and claiming Steve Irwin was being reckless.
D: Rubbishing Australia's parliaments and politicians.

2. What is Australia's official language?
A: Yes.
B: Que?
C: I am very happy to be in Australia.
D: English

3: What does "girt" mean?
A: Sorry, could you repeat that in English?
B: Encircled.
C: Confused.
D: Destroyed, as in "Mark Latham girt my camera".

4: What is the significance of April 25, 1915?
A: Phar Lap won the Melbourne Cup.
B: The Anzacs landed at Gallipoli.
C: John Howard became Prime Minister.
D: Greg Norman choked at the Masters.

5: Who is Australia's head of state?
A: Alan Jones.
B: George Bush
C: Tony Abbott.
D: Queen Elizabeth.

6: What is the significance of the number 99.94?
A: It was Don Bradman's Test batting average.
B: Interest rates were this high under Labor.
C: John Howard will retire at this age.
D: Pi (without sauce).

7: Which of the following is an Australian native?
A: Russell Crowe.
B: Mel Gibson.
C: Jackie Kelly.
D: The red-bellied black snake.

8: Which of the following was an unbridled success?
A: Naomi Robson's mission to rescue Wa-Wa from cannibals.
B: The Joh-for-Canberra campaign.
C: The Leyland P76.
D: The 2000 Sydney Olympics.

Answers:1,C; 2,D; 3,B; 4,B; 5,D; 6,A; 7,D; 8,D:

Rate your Aussieness:
8: Welcome, cobber, want a beer?
6-7: No worries.
4-5: Near enough.
3-4: That'll do.
0-2: At least you had a go. Come on in.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Wax on, Wax off

Here is a pic from Madame Tussauds Wax museum.

Not to depress everyone, but even as wax figures, Brad and Angelina still look better then most of the people I know.

And they leave a lovely after taste...

Ok so to be fair, no Aussie tv shows or movies air here (except Crocodile Dundee & silly things like that) so most Americans only see pic's of the outback & Opera house & that's it.The other day I was talking to an American, I will call him Joe, and this was the converstation.
"I had some of my Aussie's in to visit me over the summer & they loved it here".Joe says "Oh what did they think of the house & backyard?". I said "What do you mean, they thought it was fine." Then he says "Well what did they think about the grass in the yard?" I said "They thought it was fine, what are you talking about?" "Well, were they amazed that it was green?" I said "um, they have GREEN grass in AUS, what other color would it be?" He says "But isn't everything there just brown?" I had to remind myself again that we don't get to see any of your culture here, but hello, common sense, grass is green. But wait, it gets better....

To preface this for any american's reading my blog, they don't have squirrels really in AUS. Ok so I was saying all of the things that my Aussie's are fascinated by when they come here, the types of food, tv, etc. And I said "the funny is thing is how they all react when they see squirrels on the street". (I was about to say because they don't have any in Oz, but before I could he says.. "why because they eat them?"
I almost spit out my drink, & said "W-H-A-T??" He said, "Are they fascinated that squirrels just run wild here bc they eat them on sandwhich's & stuff?" I was like "NO, they don't EAT the squirrels." Will someone please get Bert or Rove to adopt me? Save me.........please...........

Hello my name is Tom, and I am a Scientologist

Um, does Scientology cause women to become giants? She just looks Ginormous next to her midget man. And it is a football game, not a funeral, what is with the dark dress & who wears a suit to a game? Maybe they are mourning the loss of his career.

Oh, my new theory is this, funny how Katie "encouraged" Tom to apologize to Brook Sheilds about his drugs/postparturm comments the same week their "Baby Suri" photos are released. Maybe Katie had postparturm & that is why she & the baby were in hiding & you didn't seem them for months. In the words of Alanis, isn't it ironic, don't ya think?

J Lo = J LOW

How low on the best dressed list did you just sink to with this disaster?

Thursday, September 07, 2006

My advice for celebs

If you are an heiress, actor, rock star, etc. & if you are going to go out drinking, HIRE a CAR and DRIVER to take you home. Seriously, WTF? What is so complicated about this?

But the best part were the excuses that Paris's PR people came up with for her drunk driving arrest last night: "She was tired, she only had one drink, she was at a charity event, she hadn't eaten bc she was working...blah blah blah" Um no, she hadn't eaten bc it was Wednesday, but more importantly not only are you getting into a car drunk, but you are doing it in front of 800 paparazzi. W-h-y??
And I really think if anything she should have been arrested for wearing the red belt over the shirt. yuck.


Now we can all get on with our lives!
I would never make fun of someone's baby,
but I am a little suspicious about the hair.
Doesn't it look like a wig?

Monday, September 04, 2006

Sports News of the Week

This is Lucas.
He plays sports too.
We would have beautiful children together.

And that is this week's sports news.

Just my luck

So I am in the post office waiting to drop off packages that I was mailing to friends in AUS. The lady behind the counter turns on the radio & "Land Down Under" is on. I thought,well that's weird bc i was filling out the customs forms for Oz. The song ends & the DJ says, "Now we have an australian trivia question for a great australian prize." Well I start ripping thru my bag to get my mobile like a crack whore looking for her pipe, bc I was like "who are we kidding, I am sooo going to know the answer" & I knew it was going to be something great like two round trip tickets to Oz & a 10 night stay or something like that!
So I am grabbing my phone as the DJ says "What is the name of the song...." And I was thinking it is either going to be Advance Australia Fair or Waltzing Matilda. "the name of the song that Australians sing when they are trying to show their patriotism" (I can't remember exactly how the question was worded but it was something like that.)
Now I had just gotten to the counter at that second & blurted out "Waltzing Matilda!!" The lady then looked at me like I was on crack & said "What?" so instead of explaining I was trying to dial frantically bc no other American would know that answer & I am already picturing myself slip slap slopping the sunscreen & drinking a VB, when the DJ says, "The 1st person to get through with the correct answer wins...........TWO see.........the Wiggles!"
I was like YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. So i stop trying to get through bc I would rather save my good Aussie karma for a better prize or Lucas Neill.


I am not sure if you guys in Oz know how HUGE Steve was in the US. Put it this way, his death has been the lead story on CNN & all of the other news stations every hour today on the hour. I know alot of Aussie's cringed when the heard the "Crikey" and saw the khaki shorts, but it is amazing how beloved he was around the world. At the end of the day he seemed like someone who really was just concerned about the animals & the environment. He will be missed.

Sunday, September 03, 2006


"SCIENTISTS invented a toothbrush that lets you listen to music while you scrub away by transmitting soundwaves through your teeth and jawbone to your ear. The device, called Tooth Tunes, plays for exactly 2 minutes."

I have a similiar invention. It is called a R-A-D-I-O. You turn it on when you start brushing your teeth. Done.(And maybe scientists should be spending time trying to cure diseases or figure out how to save Katie Holmes)

Friday, September 01, 2006

Just like looking in a mirror!

Just to be clear, if I buy this makeup, it will make me look just like Angelina? Ok I am going to the store right now!