Wednesday, June 27, 2007

From Full House to Drunken Louse?

John Stamos appeared on Australia's Mornings with Kerri-Ann this week & his behaviour seemed pretty bizarre! He insulted Kerri-Ann's outfit, made a rude gesture with a vase & asked the Greek community in AUS to boycott The Daily Telegraph bc he didn't like what they said about him.
In my opinion he was drunk as a skunk, but his "people" said it was jet lag. I have been to AUS many times & jet lag makes you tired, but it never made me slur my speech or act like a moron. The best part is it turns out that he had been in the country several days before he appeared on Kerri-Ann & went to a strip club on his first day were he apparently signed autographs & posed for pictures. Interesting he wasn't suffering from jet lag then! haha. In case you missed it you can watch it here:
But make sure to come back to my blog after, you wouldn't want to miss me saying something witty or fabulously entertaining! ;)

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Hot Diggity Dog that's fast!

Takeru "Tsunami'' Kobayashi, the 29 year old who is famous for the number of hotdogs he can eat at the Nathans' Famous hotdog contest in NY, has suffered a "professional injury" & can barely open his mouth. His record was 53 hotdogs in 12 minutes but he also holds records for eating the largest number of rice balls & cow brains.
How is this a sport? And really isn't a "professional injury" something someone in a real profession would suffer, like a fireman getting hurt on the job, or a soldier getting hurt in battle?
He now actually has "jaw arthritis". Who gets that? (Feel free to insert Monica Lewinsky joke here, I just can't bring myself to say it!)

Happy Birthday to "Our Nic"

Looks like Keith Urban flew into Bowen, where Nic and Hugh are filming "Australia", to help celebrate her 40th. He organized a special surprise fireworks display & had arranged a big dinner party for her.
Now first of all, should you really have had fireworks in the middle of a drought? I know what those Aussie's are like with water restrictions, it is no joke. Some of them even shower with buckets in the shower to catch excess water. And 2nd, I feel like he went through a lot of work to please her. I think clearly this shows why he should be married to me. I would be happy if he just gave me a cake, or a jar of Vegemite, or a can of VB......ok who I am kidding, I would settle for a high five and a smile. ;)

Monday, June 25, 2007

I think I can, I think I can....

Apparently the Japanese company Hitachi is developing a machine that tracks the flow of blood in your brain & translates them into an electric signal. Basically this means you can change the channels on your tv by just thinking about it. They want to create a tv remote control that uses this technology so that you can change what you are watching just by using your thoughts.
Ok so not only is this ridiculously creepy, is this not the epitome of laziness? I mean really, first no one wanted to get up to change channels so they invented the cable box with the long wire attached. Then they invented the modern wireless remote control, but now this thing can "read your mind" so you don't even have to push a button? But can you imagine if you just thought about something and then it could happen? Let's test it:
"I want to marry Simon Baker, I want to marry Simon Baker.....I want to live in Australia....I want to meet Bert Newton...."

Sunday, June 24, 2007

O.P.I....Oh My

Well I am not sure if they sell it in AUS, but in the States there is a nailpolish brand called O.P.I. They now have out what they call the "Australia collection" of nailpolish colors. Here are some of the names:

Red Hot Ayers Rock

Tasmanian Devil Made Me Do It

Don't Melbourne the Toast

Canberra't Without You

AND, my fave --- Didgeridoo Your Nails?

Beverly Hills Baby Daddy

Well turns out Eddie Murphy is the daddy to Scary Spice junior. I feel bad for Scary bc Eddie kept denying it which made her look like a liar. Seems like the proof, instead of being in the pudding, was in the baby gravy.

Crazy Kiwi's get real....

A New Zealand couple have been blocked from naming their new child "4Real". Authorities say they cannot allow it because numerals aren't permitted.
This is just so kooky to me, why would you actually want to name a baby 4Real? The poor kid will get teased endlessly & will have to explain what the name is every time someone asks about it. And what if the parents have another kid, will they name it "4Real2"? Or "L8tr"? It's just bizarre.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

What it means to be Australian....

Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry and a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

(fyi, I didn't write this joke above, but I did find it funny!)

World wide watermelon wackiness

Every other year, Chinchilla (a small town in AUS, not the animal) has a watermelon festival. The festival includes things like a watermelon head-butt contest, a pit spitting contest & a watermelon skiing contest. No offense to Chinchilla, I am sure it is a lovely town, but I am guessing there isn't a whole lot to do there if someone actually thought up watermelon skiing!

WTF America?

A small town in Louisiana has passed a law that states its residents are not allowed to wear baggy jeans. If they are caught wearing jeans that show their underwear, they can be fined $300 or face 6 months in jail. WTF, really? So if you bend over and the band of your underwear shows will you get fined? Seriously shouldn't you worry about arresting serious criminals, not someone who may have lost weight & has a couple of pair of baggy pants!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Age of Love....Death of a tennis career?

Oh my lovely friends in AUS, you have no idea what you are missing. The new reality show, Age of Love, starring Mark Philippoussis, aka "The Scud", aired on American tv last night. Basically it is a rip off of The Bachelor, except Mark has to choose from 2 groups of women, 40 year olds (who call themselves "cougars") & 20 year olds (who call themselves "kittens"). He looks really out of his element & slightly afraid of the older women. I wonder is this means no more tennis for him?
I would never go on a reality tv show, but this I may have considered just for a chance to marry him for my Aussie visa. (HA HA) But I just about spit the dummy when I saw the upcoming scenes for this season & he brings the girls back to Australia. I am now completely jealous of these American women who are going to go to Australia & embarrass themselves by saying things like "Mark, what team to you root for?" OMG, I just had a great idea, I should be on the show as the coach for the girls who wind up going to AUS. My own version of My Fair Lady. I could put them through sensitivity training & tell them to not say stupid things like "I hope I can fit everything in my fanny pack."

Saturday, June 16, 2007

WTF of the week

Some terror group in Cornwall is targeting Jamie Oliver & his restaurant! WTF? How can anyone want to kill Jamie? He is cute, blonde, & he cooks. Hell, I want to marry him, not kill him!

Happy Birthday Mashley!

MaryKate and Ashley (or Mashley as I call them) turned 21 this week. Don't get excited, I don't mean they turned 21 pounds, I mean they turned 21 years old. I think the celebrated by splitting one cookie between them.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The Sperminator

The rumour today is that K-Fed's first ex, Shar Jackson, is pregnant with K-Fed's Baby! He already has a few kids with Shar & 2 with Britney. WTF? I think I found a new career for Kevin since his rap career hasn't really taken off. I think he should rent out his penis to women who are having trouble getting pregnant. You have heard of the "jaws of death"? This guy has the "sperm of life!".

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Kill me now

So two of my favorite bands (Powderfinger & Silverchair) are touring together in AUS. I am bummed that I won't get to see them. I am jealous once again of you Aussies! Unless the Powderchair/Silverfinger (as I am now calling it) tour comes to the US, I am out of luck.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Ok I give in

I have been really trying to not comment on the Paris jail thing bc I think the only way she is going to go away is if we all stop talking about her. But everyone keeps asking so here is what I think, in convenient bullet points-
*I believe she got caught drunk driving not once but twice, right? Then got busted for driving without a license after that. If she wants to kill herself, that is her choice, but she could have hurt or killed other people doing that & I don't care who you are, famous or not, you should be in jail for that, esp since it happened more then once. She then blamed her publicist for not telling her she couldn't drive. Please, how old are you that you don't know better?
*If she was so devastated that she had to go to jail, would she really go to the MTV movie awards the night before & then pull her Von Trapp family escape in the night by leaving a show filled with people?
*If she wanted to "sneak" into jail without the paparazzi, why did she drive into the jail with the tinted out windows of her SUV rolled down where a website just "happened" to catch her on camera. A normal person would have had the car windows shut.
*Her 1st 2 days of jail she was not eating or sleeping. Please, she is out every night when not in prison, she isn't sleeping or eating when she is home anyway.
*When she was released, it was bc of a "medical condition". I think it was withdrawal from having her photo taken. I call it Paparazzitis.
*Then found out she had to go back to court, I heard that the night before she went back she had her spray tan person come to her house & she had her hair & makeup people come fix her up b4 she got into the police car to go back, I don't know if that is true but I believe it. So no, I don't feel bad for her when I saw her Crocodile tears in the back of the police car.
*Today in a phone interview she said she will no longer "act dumb". Honestly, I don't think she is that good of an actress so I am not sure how much of that was an act to begin with.
Ok now what I think should have happened, aside from jail, is that every media outlet, blogger (me included) tv show, etc. should refuse to mention her or publish any photo's of her for at least 1 year. That would really be punishment!

Tivo down under

Good news Australia, you guys will be able to buy Tivo! (in 2008, but still it is coming!)
Let me explain. Tivo is like the lover you wish you had. It can digitally record any show that you want & save it for you until you are ready to watch, it is not pushy, it will wait until you are ready to commit. You can tape an entire season of your fave show by clicking a season pass button once, it will automatically tape it every week then until the season is over. (You will never miss another episode of Mcleods Daughters or Home & Away!) Once it gets to know you (it is like you are dating in the beginning) it will then suggest shows that it thinks you will like & tape them for you. Imagine, you come home from work, & get to see what shows tivo was nice enough to tape for you during the day! (You can also turn that feature off if you want) When I first got it I must have taped a spanish movie bc then for a while Tivo thought I was from Maria from Spain & kept suggesting Spanish language movies. However now that he has learned what my tastes are, he suggests things that are more suited to my tastes. Also you can pause & rewind live tv, so if you are watching the footy & need to go get some more VB you can just pause the game!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Mom-ager or En-abler?

Lindsay Lohan's mother Dina Lohan is said to be shopping around her own reality show where she will attempt to make her other two children as famous as Lindsay. The show will be called "Mom-ager."

Here is my letter to Dina:
Dear Dina
You don't know me, but I know who you are. How can we not know who you are when you are constantly shoving your face in front of the camera's telling us all how your daughter, who is in rehab, is "misunderstood" & living the life of a normal 20 year old. I hate to break it to you but normal 20 year olds don't party in clubs around the world with their "wanna be famous but didn't make it so I live vicariously through my daughter" mothers. They don't even get into clubs or served drinks until the are 21. They don't let people take photos of them in hotels with crack pipes, Jack Daniels bottles & knives, etc, held to their throats. I am sorry that you were never famous before your daughter came along, I am sorry you never made it as a Rockette, if you really were one. But please don't pimp out, I mean encourage, your other 2 kids to be in showbiz when you obviously have no control over your first one who is in desperate need of a MOTHER, not a MANAGER.
Thanks! Peace out

Movie stars from outer space?

Seriously, do you think they are human? What other couple looks like this and saves children?

Are the Beckham's broke?

Um, doesn't her husband make like 5.5 bajillion dollars every time he kicks a football? Can't he afford to buy Vicky a pair of pants!!!!!

Matt Damon Wednesday

I put this picture up bc he just looks so cute in his little Red Sox jersey that I decided that today is hence forth "Matt Damon Wednesday"

Sunday, June 03, 2007

I demand a recount!

Ok so apparently Canada has taken over the title of world's friendliest nation from Australia. No offense to Canada, as I am sure there are lovely people there (and Canadian boys are hot) but I found AUS to be the friendliest place in the world. It is like an adult version of Disneyland. And the only place I have ever travelled where strangers offered to help me with my luggage. I know it sounds ridiculous but I have been in other countries and struggling with bags, etc & no one offered to help. I fell once in the street in NY and people actually stepped over me without stopping (no joke). So as far as I am concerned, & let's face it, my opinion on AUS is really the only one that matters, AUS ranks number 1.

What would Mr.Miyagi say?

In Japan, a company is marketing "fake" alcoholic drinks to kids. It is non-alcoholic beer, wine & champagne. The packaging resembles that of a regular six pack of beer & even has a head on it when it is poured into a glass. In the tv commercials there are kids who are 3 years old shown drinking the beer.
WTF? Seriously, what is next? Crack pipe pacifiers for your new born?

Most Wanted Male bodies

In a recent study, the #1 celebrity body that most men want to have, was Brad Pitt's in Fight Club. Every guy I know always says that or Brad Pitt in Troy. I have to agree with the men, I want to H-A-V-E Brad's body in Fight Club too! ;)

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Keith Urban Kidman Cruise Who?

When Keith Urban went to visit Nicole on her movie set in Queensland, a female security guard would not let him in. She actually told him to leave & "get a life" because she had no idea who he was. She had to call her boss on the radio & say "There is some guy here named Keith Urban who wants to come in." Naturally once the boss heard that he ran down to fix the situation. The guard's mom went & bought magazines to point out celebs to her so she wouldn't make that mistake again. When she saw a pic of Hugh Jackman she apparently said"Oh, I saw that guy about 10 times today."
OMG, how can that be?? I am shocked since Aussies are so proud of their celeb's & can usually spot them right away. I actually saw Hugh on the street once from about a mile away & I am practically blind but I still knew it was him! And yes, he is handsome & gorgeous in person too!

Rub-a-dub-dub....I stole a million dollar tub!

A gold tub that cost over $1 million dollars was stolen from a hotel in Tokyo. It was over 176 pounds & was made out of 18-karat gold. The tub was on the 10th floor of the hotel.
Ok so 1-why would anyone make a $1 million tub? Seriously, make a $1 million house instead. 2-no one in the lobby saw a person leaving with it? Usually they would be on you if they saw you trying to leave with a bathrobe, but did the robbers really just walk right by reception carrying a tub? 3-It was on the 10th floor! How did they get it out without anyone seeing what was going on? I want to stay at that hotel, I need a new flat screen tv, maybe they won't notice if I walk out with it strapped to my back!